Reports from the UK have claimed that the newest member of the Royal Family, Charlotte Elizabeth Diana, is the first royal to be born with superpowers in more than 500 years.
Baby Charlotte reportedly emerged from the womb firing lasers from her eyes, although at such a young age her powers are believed to be underdeveloped, with doctors and nursing staff only suffered minor burns and no serious injuries. Royal correspondents have speculated that the young princess could also have the ability to breathe underwater and speak to animals.
The news could cause problems in the UK as it could cause confusion over the order of succession to the throne. ‘Modern’ Royal succession rules state that the eldest son of the King and Queen is first in line to the throne, however in medieval times it was the most powerful child who would inherit the throne. As Prince George has shown no signs of super powers thus far, it is expected his little sister will be the more powerful of the two.
The Royal Family’s superpowers have been dormant for more than half a millennia as they attempted to have more in common with their subjects. It was the Royal’s supernatural powers which gave them the ability to take control of the country of England thousands of years ago, before the power of debt allowed them to assume control of Scotland some years later.
The news also explains why Royal baby maker, the Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton, suffered from such severe stomach cramps and diarrhoea in the run up to the birth, despite cutting out the Friday night curry.
UK Prime Minister David Cameron commented that it was very exciting news, stating his government’s commitment to the ‘super powerful’ would be even greater than it’s traditional commitment to the rich and powerful. He also muttered something vague about cutting more disabled people’s benefits in order to cater for the extra abilities of the young princess.
British man, Stephen Peterson said, “It’s absolutely amazing. Obviously this was what we were all hoping for when the first Royal Baby, Prince George was born, but it was all a bit dull when it turned out he was just a fairly average baby. At least Brooklyn Beckham was given an unusual name.
“The new baby’s middle name is Diana, I think that’s a bit like building a ship and calling it the Titanic II. I’m hoping she has the super power to survive high speed car crashes when her great-grandmother decides she’s got a bit too popular for her liking.”
“I’m looking forward to a second British Empire led by our new fire breathing Princess. Westeros here we come!”